I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
