I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
