similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
