Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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