My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
