Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
