so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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