Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
