Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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