dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
