Duck Duck Cougar?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
