i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
