I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
