So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
