I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
