the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
