I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
