The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
