i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
