U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
