You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
