Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
