Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
