also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
how drunk are you?
Several
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
