Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
