just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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