Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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