remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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