I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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