Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love having hate sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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