Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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