day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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