my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
