Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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