Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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