I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
