I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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