if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
