Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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