just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
