Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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