fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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