do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
