Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
