I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
