Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
