I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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