Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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