whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
