Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Michael Bay diarrhea
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
