Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
