Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
