either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
