Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
