Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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