hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
