Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
