Your mouth is God's brothel.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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