btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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