need another drink. this is the easiest way
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
