When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I understand Curling. That high.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
