It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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