Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
please don't ironically join a cult
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