The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
