I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
