you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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