she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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