Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
