hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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