My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
