i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
