Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
