You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
