Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
