Got a toothbrush?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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