On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
