if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
