I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I want a musical about memes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
