saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Church boner. Awkwardddd
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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