Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
