Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
