I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
