I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
